Figuring out the weird

13/11/2017

It's 22.04 on a Saturday evening and I'm coming to terms with my crap, work / life balance. Since coming back to uni, I've been trying to find routine to bring order to all the shit I have to complete for every deadline. Taking 12 months away to go on placement was an incredible experience that I don't regret at all but I never really considered how it would change and effect my return to uni. 

I relied so heavily on making it through any tough times in London by remembering I would be back up north surrounded by a community I felt at home in. I didn't consider how much placement would effect myself, my views and opinions as well as everyone else who went away too. I was so excited and ready to come and embrace being a fashion student for another 9 months before calling myself a graduate (well fingers crossed anyway).

That being said, settling in took me a while but I am so happy to be back in Manchester and I am incredibly inspired to be back working on projects. But coming to terms with my mental health around this time last year, it's making me reflect on who I am today.  Through out my first and second year I never really noticed or can remember experiencing the way I feel now, back then, so I think that's another stepping stone I'm having to face. 
Being aware of my mental health and coming back to my final year, it almost feels like starting from scratch on how to make things work for me. On placement year, I knew it all mattered in finding the small things that made me happy, taking it a day at a time, then spending time doing what I wanted to do. Having different systems in place that helped me when things got a little too much, really alliviated some of the stress I may have been feeling. Uni is different, there's modules, sometimes 4-5 projects at a time, all the work and pressure that comes with it (mainly from myself). Then there's socialising and maintaining friendships and relationships as well ensuring there's time made for yourself, plus many other things to consider.

Sometimes I feel like I'm crashing and other days I feel like you know what Chlo, you're doing alright, you got this. I guess that sums up my mental health and it's something I'm working on. Getting that routine and that balance in working but finding time for me and those that I love. 

Mental health doesn't just stay the same, that wouldn't make sense. As humans we're constantly changing and developing, so our mental health changes with us. I never really considered it until the past few months, some days will be easier and some a bit harder, and that's okay. I'm working on making it work for me.

C x

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